Long hailed as a key skill for professional success, emotional intelligence is equally crucial for maintaining long-lasting and fulfilling personal relationships. From romantic to platonic to professional, every relationship encounters its ups and downs. As a researcher specializing in emotional intelligence, resilience, and burnout, I understand that effective communication and healthy, respectful, and supportive connections hinge on high emotional intelligence.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence, often referred to as a “super skill,” allows individuals to perceive, understand, and manage their own emotions while also recognizing and influencing the emotions of others. Studies have shown that people with high emotional intelligence excel at empathetic perspective-taking, self-regulation, social skills, and cooperation. They also enjoy closer, more affectionate relationships and greater satisfaction in their partnerships.

Identifying Emotional Intelligence in Romantic Partners

Given these advantages, it’s essential to identify emotional intelligence in a romantic partner. Here are four key indicators that your partner possesses high emotional intelligence:

1. They Handle Conflict Healthily

Emotionally intelligent partners don’t shy away from conflict; instead, they address it constructively. Avoiding conflict can lead to unresolved issues and simmering resentment, often resulting in explosive outbursts over minor matters. A partner who engages in healthy conflict isn’t afraid of disagreements or prone to passive-aggressive behavior. They avoid dominating conversations, personal attacks, and abusive language. While they might express anger, they calm down quickly, take responsibility for their actions, and apologize when necessary. Research indicates that the risk of breakups is higher in couples who fail to reconcile after arguments than in those who argue.

2. They Show Empathy

Empathy, a fundamental component of emotional intelligence, is crucial for building trust, bonding, and understanding each other, even during disagreements. Look for everyday expressions of empathy in your partner. Do they ask questions and show genuine interest in your thoughts, feelings, and experiences? Do they practice active listening without interrupting or turning the conversation toward themselves? These behaviors indicate high emotional intelligence. During conflicts, empathetic individuals strive to understand their partner’s perspective, aiming not for constant agreement but for mutual understanding and consideration.

3. They Manage Their Emotions Effectively

Emotional regulation is about handling negative emotions and stressful situations without impulsive reactions. It doesn’t mean suppressing or denying feelings but managing them healthily. A partner who can self-soothe through activities like exercise, deep breathing, walking, or meditation — rather than through withdrawal, substance use, or expecting you to fix their problems — demonstrates strong emotional regulation and high emotional intelligence. Additionally, observe the longevity of their relationships. Do they maintain enduring friendships, get along well with co-workers, and have healthy family ties? Effective emotional regulation is essential for managing the natural ups and downs of long-term relationships.

4. They Respect Your Independence

Emotionally intelligent partners aren’t threatened by differences and don’t demand exclusive attention. They don’t expect you to be perfect, change to please them, or conform to their likes and dislikes. Instead, they respect your interests, boundaries, and desire for independence, whether it’s spending time with friends, pursuing solo hobbies, or enjoying alone time. They support your need to be your authentic self and actively create conditions that allow you to thrive.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence is vital for building and sustaining meaningful and satisfying relationships. By recognizing these signs in your partner, you can better appreciate their emotional intelligence and its impact on your relationship’s health and happiness. Developing emotional intelligence in yourself and seeking it in others can lead to stronger, more resilient, and more fulfilling connections.